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Rainy Day Monday
(I felt like writing...)
I felt like writing a poem on this dim and dreary day. It's a way to express my feelings. There's a lot I want to say. You might think this is silly. You might think I'm a fool. But there's something I need to say and I'm not saying it to be cruel. There were times when I felt helpless and there were times when I felt strong. But the time I felt the best was the time you came along. From the moment I had met you, you filled my heart with bliss. And then I fell in love with you. How could I resist? At one point I had gone and left you and I know I had made you cry. I just cannot explain it. I don't know the reason why. I have always hated myself for that time I had let you go. I have always wanted to tell you. I will always want you to know. You were always there when I needed you. You were always by my side. Especially after my accident. The time I almost died. You helped to nurse me back to health. You were a goal that I've strived for. You helped me make my life anew and for this I loved you more. But now the tides are changing and I want you to have the chance to look, to search, to find yourself. And to get a better stance. It's better now than to wait till we've wed for you to find out where you are. But I always find myself hoping and praying that we don't drift apart too far. While on your path to freedom should you find someone you like. Then take some time to know him. He might be your "Mr. Right". Make sure that he is loving and make sure that he is true. He will probably have more to offer than I could ever have for you. If by chance this should happen I really want you to know I will always wish you happiness where ever you should go. So hello, goodbye, whatever. I'll try to play the game. But I want you to know just one more thing, I will love you just the same. 7/77 II. The day you said you were leaving I thought that I understood. You said you needed your freedom. I agreed, I thought you should. I now sit here feeling hollow. My heart feels as heavy as lead. I am thinking of the things we were saying. I wish that more could have been said. I have always told you I've needed you. You have always told me the same. And now I sense only loneliness at the mentioning of your name. On that day when you walked out the door I was as depressed as I could be. It was then I started to cry and I said: Oh God, why me?!!" I wondered what I said to deserve this. Was it something I did not do? To you I gave all my loving. I tried to be ever so true. You said our relationship stagnated. You know you were probably right. But the answer could be all around us. Not in view, but not far from sight. So let me end this poem by saying I hope we're not through. But just in case this should happen I'll always have a special love for you. 7/77 III. I think you are probably wondering why I'm taking up your time by sending you these poems that rhyme every other line. It's a way to express my feelings. It's a way to ease the pain. If I don't put it down in writing I am apt to go insane. By putting my thoughts on paper it is easier for me to say the words that I were lost for when we talked that other day. I don't think I am a poet. A poet I may never be. Some how these words make me feel better. Could it be that there's music in me? I know I could never sing but I loved to play the guitar. That time it seems so near but yet it seems so far. I'll never forget the time when we went to Hartson's pond we sat on the trunk of my Ford and I played you a couple of songs. When ever I would play you would hum along in key. These were some of the moments that meant the most to me. Am I reminiscing? Or was it a lucid dream? It was so real to me. So real to me, it seemed. Anyway those days are over now and I cannot call them back. But the memories will be with me always and I know that for a fact. 7/77 |
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